I Hope

I had meant to write this post a few days ago but I just didn’t have it in me to say any of this until now.

I wish you were back here already. Staring at this bowl of cheese dip made me remember how I used to cook dinner for you when you worked here on third shift, or how I used to buy you something from Los Compadres when I went there for myself. Staring at the dip also hit me with a wave of guilt because here I am, eating what I want and enjoying myself and you’re stuck there trying to re-learn basic human functions.

You are all I have been able to think about, still, even though you’re out of ICU. I hope Jason is right about your personality being in the part of the brain that didn’t take the hit. It gives me hope but also gives me fear at the same time. I hope the man that I love and the man that loves me is still in there. I hope you forgive me. I hope you still want me in your life as much as I still want you in mine.

I hope, because right now, it’s all I’ve got left.