The Nothing

So, this time of year is always a struggle for me.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my mother's death and a couple of days after that is my anniversary at my job (23 years this year!) that I've come to fucking despise, but nothing is really bringing any comfort, nothing is helping to numb the rage. This disaster of an administration is not helping what with the near constant and daily barrage of *"what the fuck are they doing now?"*

And after I made the choice (or mistake?) of getting back together with my biological family a few years ago, my longing and sadness for home and for my mother have been replaced with pure, white hot rage and resentment toward her *and* my father.

Drugs, sex, alcohol, food...nothing is working. I just feel like an empty shell. I really do not want to talk to a therapist about any of this, or anyone else, really, I just felt the need to write it all down in hopes of excising this demon I find myself faced with.